My Due Date Buddy

This is 王老师 (Teacher Wang).  She was my teacher when the school year started.  Two weeks into the class she shared with us that she was pregnant.  When she said how far along she was tears came to my eyes because I knew we were pretty similar.  At that point, I had not told my classmates about my own pregnancy so I kept it quiet in my heart excited that I could bond with my teacher in a special way since we would both be pregnant throughout this school year.  One week later (three weeks into the class and about six weeks into Teacher Wang's pregnancy), she sent an e-mail to inform us that she was taking a few weeks off from class due to some bleeding and concern from her doctor.  I was worried for her and her baby and lifted them up often.  In the meantime, we got a new teacher who would serve as our substitute.  Eventually, Teacher Wang decided that due to morning sickness and wanting to rest more during her pregnancy, she would not return to teach our class.  We have all now grown to love our new teacher, but I have been truly sad about not getting to know Teacher Wang better. 

A few weeks back at the Tug-of-War competition, I ran into Teacher Wang.  We had chatted over e-mail but this was the first time I had seen her in a few months.  She said that she was feeling much better and she said as soon as I felt better we should go out.

I waited and waited and waited and never really felt better so last week in spite of feeling ick, we set up a lunch date.  And it was fantastic! Most everything I have been struggling with she struggles with, as well:  neither of us is sleeping well, we both are sensitive to smells and have many food aversions, and we are both emotional (although she said she has been unreasonably angry with her husband while I basically just cry at the drop of a hat).  And turns out, at her last doctor's appointment, her doctor gave her a May 5th due date--identical to mine! 

She shared that she is planning to hire a 月嫂 (yue sao) which is a woman who will come live with her for a month after she has the baby and help cook, clean, and care for the child.  She recommended I hire one, as well. 

It was so easy to talk with her as there are endless things to discuss about pregnancy and babies and because she is a Chinese teacher, she did a great job of speaking with me on my level.  She bought lunch and said I could buy next time.  I am looking forward to meeting again and discussing the progress of our babies.  This month when we compared our stomach sizes, mine was definitely bigger.

16 weeks pregnant

Pregnant in China

Being pregnant in China has been much harder than I imagined mostly because I have been so sick.  Food has been quite a battle.  While I know I need to eat healthy for the sake of the baby, there is only a small selection of foods my stomach wants to eat (bread, crackers, potatoes, fruit, salty snacks, and most any food from America that I cannot get here).  Some Western foods I can prepare myself, but that requires more energy and effort than I have been able to muster most days.  Chip did make me some pretty incredible fried mozzarella cheese sticks one day when I just could not get them off my mind.  We bought cheese at the import store, and he googled how to bread and fry them. At the time, it was seriously the best thing I had ever eaten.  Oh, what I would do right now for an authentic Mexican meal or lunch at Panera Bread!  I am still hoping my stomach will start craving Chinese food again.  In the meantime, I feel like I am failing miserably to eat as healthily and responsibly as I know I should.

And a bathtub!  So many times lately when I have felt sick I have longed to soak in a bathtub.  Somehow a shower is just not the same.  I am hoping for a bathtub in our Thailand hotel room next February when we attend our annual conference.

I have also been up most nights due to sickness.  But then, that's not China's fault.  If I were pregnant in America, I would probably be just as sick and tired.  A praise:  The Father has given me the strength I need to keep up with Chinese studies in spite of all the hardship.

Chinese people have all sorts of recommendations for 孕妇 (pregnant women). I have been compiling a list as people give me advice.  Here's what I have so far:

Chinese Pregnancy Recommendations

• ·         Don’t wear make-up (it might harm the baby)
• ·         Don’t exercise
• ·         Don’t walk too quickly
• ·         Wear more clothes
• ·         Eat lots of dates (to increase your blood)
•       Eat grapes--It will make your baby's eyes bigger
• ·         Eat walnuts to strengthen baby’s brain (because walnuts look like brains)
• ·         Eat lots of fruit (but never two bananas in one day)
• ·         No love-making in the 1^st or 3^rd trimesters
• ·         Avoid stairs (something completely unavoidable in this country especially since we live on the 6^th floor of a complex with no elevator)

I have learned to smile and accept all the advice given to me knowing that people tell me these things because they truly care about me and the baby.

Baby Gender?

            I went to get a massage a few days ago, something that in China costs about 6USD an hour.  I told the workers I was pregnant so that they would be more cautious during the massage.  They asked how far along I was in my pregnancy.  I said 14weeks, and they responded, “Oh, 98 days.”  Are we counting this pregnancy in days, I wondered.  After the massage some of the women asked if they could look at and feel my stomach to determine the gender.  In Chinese, I asked about the accuracy of their method.  They said it is accurate for Chinese people, but they were not sure how it would work on a foreigner.  After a brief observation, they said the baby is definitely a girl due to how I am carrying it and the fact that I am much prettier now than the last time I had come in.

            Actually, in China it is illegal to medically find out your baby’s gender because there is fear that if people know their only child is a girl, they may abort and try again for a boy.  Some doctor’s will tell mothers late in pregnancy (one of my tutors found out in the 8^th month) once the mother is too far along to abort.  Chip and I have not decided if we will find out our baby’s gender.  It seems perfectly reasonable within this culture just to wait.

Me and my awesome tutor.  This photo of us and the textbook is quite ironic because we spent most our time chatting about baby related subjects and rarely did bookwork.

 Last month I had a great tutor, TD.  She has a three year old son, so she knew all about pregnancy, childbirth, and taking care of a baby.  I asked TD so many questions!  She even helped me translate material from the hospital into simpler Chinese.  She said I was lucky she was my tutor because most tutors would not even know all of those medical terms.  She gave me two of her old maternity sweaters when she noticed my clothes were getting a bit uncomfortable.  And for Chinese maternity clothes, they really aren't half bad (no bright overalls, cartoon characters, etc.).  TD also gave me healthy snacks including these sheep liver sweets.  I have read that liver is good for expecting mothers and my tutor knew that I was trying to eat some meat since being pregnant, but I really would not have eaten this liver if she had not been right next to me watching for my reaction.  It really wasn't too bad--no icky liver flavor--strangely fruity.

Me and my sheep liver snacks

One day last month Chip's tutor looked at me and in Chinese said, "You don't really look pregnant.  You just look fat."  I snapped back quickly responding that was an impolite thing to say.  She's was my first ever tutor and we have a good relationship, so I did not feel too bad letting her know I was offended (even if what she said is completely true at this stage in the pregnancy).  I shared the story later with another Chinese friend.  She was surprised by my reaction because she thought what the tutor said was very polite.  Turns out, in Chinese culture, women would rather be considered fat than look pregnant.  From my Western perspective, that is not at all the way I feel.  I want people to know that the extra weight is a baby and not just chub.

Pigs, Snakes, and Horses

           On my first day with my current tutor, I was asking questions to get to know her.  She’s been married three years, does not have children, but hopes to have a child someday.  She said they would try to have a child now, but then it would likely be a snake.  I said, “Yeah, I know a lot of Chinese people really don’t like snakes” in a tone acknowledging my baby’s reality.  She said, “Oh, it’s not a big deal for you, my problem is I’m a pig and pigs and snakes don’t get along.”  I shrugged.  “Well, I’m a pig, too.”  In quick and apologetic response she said, “Well, it probably doesn’t matter in your culture.”  I assured her that it really does not.  I have no fear of not being able to get along with my child because of the year in which he/she is be born.  She said the following year is the year of the horse and that horses and pigs get along very well, so they hope to have a baby then.  Turns out dragons and dogs do not get along either, so for Chip’s sake, it’s a good thing we did not have a baby this year!

Stay tuned for more stories about being pregnant in China. . .

Coming in the Year of the Snake. . .

 

Chip was born in the year of the dog, Mallary was born in the year of the pig, and coming in the year of the snake. . .baby Wiley!  We are 14 weeks pregnant and due May 5^th 2013, but later is fine.  I want to complete as much of my last semester of Chinese study as possible.

The Chinese characters say, "I am pregnant."  Chinese people never say, "We are pregnant."  I said it a few times and got some strange reactions. 

We are planning to have baby Wiley right here in our town of Changchun, China.  We will come home to the states next summer for about six weeks starting in early July so that we can introduce our baby to all of you, our dear family and friends.  

I have felt quite sick so far in this pregnancy.  We would appreciate your thoughts.  The smells of Chinese food are bothering me the same way they did my first month in China (but now with more nausea).  Being pregnant and having a baby in China will certainly be an adventure.  Stay tuned for stories along the way.

 

    

Pumpkin Party

To celebrate Halloween with our tutors, we had a pumpkin decorating party.  Not necessarily a pumpkin carving party because Chinese pumpkins are small and difficult to cut into, but more a

"paint a pumpkin" party.

Me and my tutor with our pumpkin before the paint

I told my tutor about all sorts of things associated with Halloween (spiders, bats, ghosts, black cats, candy, trick-or-treating, witches, etc.) and we took turns painting images on the little pumpkin.

The people who were determined to carve into those little pumpkins

Shaunda and her tutor were bunnies

 

Chip and Bumann, in my opinion, don't look that much alike, but tutors here get them confused all the time.  So they dressed up as each for Halloween by name-tagging themselves with the other's name.  The tutors thought it was hilarious.  When Chip and I announced our pregnancy, one of the tutors congratulated Bumann on being a father.

Erica is nerd, Lauren is a deviled egg, and Chip painted a jack-o-lantern on my belly for baby's first Halloween costume.

Siping Orphanage

Over the weekend, two classmates and I traveled to Siping, a nearby city, to visit an orphanage.  It was a great experience.  While the kids have obvious hardships and disabilities, I felt much joy and contentment within them as we held them and played together. 

Holding a nine month old precious baby

Lauren with a boy whose leg casts were just removed in the last week. Hopefully he will learn to walk.

Emily with a joyful little mute child

Some children do get adopted out, but the ones with more severe physical and mental disabilities may be here for a long time.

This young boy will be going home with a family soon

The boy in the pink here is blind, but he was very vocal and energetic!

They loved seeing photos of themselves

One of the caregivers holding a wee one

 

This one broke my heart.  A Chinese student volunteer told me she has one quarter of the mental capability that we have.  I asked if he thought she would be adopted.  He said probably not.  Only the "normal" children get adopted.  I asked what would happen to her.  He said she would stay here until she grows up and then find some sort of simple work. 

 This is the toddler room, but there are older children, as well.  All the kids eat, sleep, and go to school within the orphanage complex.

Showing off his new hat

This little one was crying on the floor and I held and him/her (sometimes genders were unclear) and emotions subsided.  How sweet are those eyes peering up at me?  We have American friends who live in Siping who visit the orphanage every Saturday.  What an awesome way to serve the least and the lost.

Tug-of-War

 Today the Foreign Student Department at our university had a tug-of-war competition.  Our American class competed against other classes of foreign students.  Over the past few years, the American class has gotten a reputation and set a record for winning, not necessarily because of strength, but I believe due to a competitive spirit and the determination to win. 

Crowds forming before the event

Anticipating

 With only a loss or two, the American class managed to win overall!  But it wasn't easy.  There were some long periods of pulling and lots of sore arms, hands, and legs by the end of it.

Holding on until the end!

One of our PE major tutors giving Ashley an arm massage between matches.  

I think I'm gonna have a lot of sore classmates tomorrow.

Calligraphy 书法

This semester I enrolled in a Chinese Calligraphy class (书法).  I love it!  The teacher is great and for most of the period he plays ancient Chinese music while we paint basic strokes.  It is really quite relaxing.  Right now we have only practiced the basic horizontal and vertical strokes and it is more difficult than it looks.  It is truly an art.

Similar to my Tai Chi class last spring, taking this elective has given me the chance to make friends from many different countries including Japan, Korea, Mongolia, Russia, and England. And while we do not often speak each other's native tongue, we can easily converse using Chinese.

Stacks of practice paper

 Our teacher also shares interesting stories from Chinese history based on ancient art.  Yesterday he showed us this painting (which I later found on Google images).  This is Wang Zhaojun, one of China's historical beauties.  I want to share her story based on what I gathered from my teacher.  She was the wife of a Chinese emperor, but one of many wives.  The emperor had so many wives that he rarely saw each one.  So that he could better choose who to sleep with at night, he had an artist paint each of his wives.  Many of the wives gave the painter a bribe to make them look more beautiful.  Wang Zhaojun did not pay a bribe so the painter portrayed her as particularly ugly.  At this time in history, China was at war with Mongolia.  The Mongolian emperor agreed to peace if he was given a Chinese bride.  The Chinese emperor agreed, but to further insult Mongolia he wanted to choose the ugliest woman possible.  He chose Wang Zhaojun.

When Wang Zhaojun was offered to Mongolia, it was the Chinese emperor's first time to set eyes on her.  He was amazed by her beauty and wanted to take back the offer, but Wang Zhaojun was an upright woman and agreed to go.  The Mongolian emperor was so pleased by the exchange that China and Mongolia experienced many years of peace.  For Wikipedia's take on the story, click here.